


nothing else could really shock me

by heartlckt



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Bisexual Simon Snow, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Non-Binary Author, Non-Binary Baz Pitch, Non-binary character, Other, They/Them Pronouns for Baz Pitch, Trans Baz Pitch, i don't know what else to tag this as i just want people to be able to find it, n.b baz, nby baz, non binary baz pitch fic because theres only one and i've read it at least 6 times, non-binary baz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:20:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25659613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartlckt/pseuds/heartlckt
Summary: A reworking of the post-chapter-61 scene, where Simon & Baz actually get to have a conversation with each other about being gay & bi. I wrote Baz as non-binary in this because I'm a non-binary lesbian and the non-binary baz headcanon is very heartwarming to me.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	nothing else could really shock me

**Author's Note:**

> TW for accidental misgendering in the first half of the work
> 
> the title of this in my google docs was "gay person writes an actual coming out scene" because baz and simon never really got a great way to come out to each other. baz is non-binary as well as gay in this, and simon actually gets to use and learn the word bisexual.

**BAZ**

I lost track of time at some point last night. At the time that I wake up, it is still dark outside but now feels more like dawn than dusk.

Simon grabs my hand and I hiss in pain, my palm still burning from where I ripped his cross off last night. He brings up my palm to his mouth and kisses it. I close my eyes and sigh–I feel like a giddy school girl. I open my eyes again and tilt my head to look at Simon. He’s already staring at me, with the sort of admiration in his eyes that I never imagined he would look at me with, not even in my dreams. But Simon Snow is lying next to me on my bedroom floor and he’s looking at me with something other than hate in his eyes.

“I always thought you were straight.” I blurt out. “I guess this means you aren’t?”  _ Smooth. _

“Dunno” he replies. “I don’t really think about it. But I like women–I mean I liked Agatha–and I like you now, I have for a long time I think.”  _ For a long time.  _ I feel like I’m floating up and out of my room. Until Simon adds, “So I guess to some extent I’m into men too” and I plummet back down to earth... Right, I forgot about that part. Here’s to hoping the best thing to ever happen to me isn’t about to get ripped away from me.

  
  


**SIMON**

I’m not sure what I did, but suddenly Baz is up off the floor. Moving away from me. I highly doubt it’s some homophobic thing, considering he was just in my arms. But he’s moving towards the fire and for a moment I feel nervous again. Baz and fire have never been a good combination, especially not knowing what I know now (that he’s flammable).

“Baz?” I say, sitting up. He’s staring into the fire, sitting on one of his fancy armchairs. Typically posh of him. I go and sit next to the chair, on the floor. “Why’d you leave?”

“I have to tell you something.”

“I’m not really sure what else you could tell me, Baz,” I say and mean it genuinely. “You’ve already told me you’re a vampire. And then snogged me for hours last night. Nothing else could really shock me.”

“Yeah… well.”

“Just tell me.”

“Fine. You mentioned before that you like girls. And that you like me now, which means you like boys.”

“I mean that's how it works right?”

“Yes. If…” he pauses. “If I _ was  _ a boy.” I feel confused.

“If you  _ were _ ? Are you not a boy?” He bristles at this and I can tell I said something wrong.

“No, Snow. I’m not.” He takes a long breath. “I’m non-binary. I just don’t know how to explain it to you in a way that makes sense. I’m still somewhat a boy. Just not in the same way as you are. And I’m not a  _ he _ , either. You can call me  _ they  _ or  _ them. _ ”

Oh. I take Baz’s hand. “I’m sorry for acting like you were a boy then. I didn’t mean to upset you. But that still doesn’t change anything. I still like you. I like you because you’re Baz. Not because I thought you were a bloke.”

“I wasn’t under the impression that you liked me very much”

“Not thinking about your emotions can do a lot to a guy.”

  
  


**BAZ**

Maybe I  _ am  _ living a charmed life. It’s not like Snow did anything particularly spectacular–all he did was accept me when I told him who i am. But it’s still more than I ever could’ve dreamed of. 

“So if you like  _ me.  _ Then you’re probably not straight. But do you like guys?” I poke him and he blushes.

“Like I said before. I don’t really think about it. I never understood why it was such a big deal.”

“So you just... Don’t care?” I ask. This is all foreign to me– I remember trying to like girls back in 5th year, not to any luck. I wish my queer coming of age experience could have been as carefree as Simons.

“About someone's gender? Not really. The first person I dated was Agatha. She just so happened to be a girl.” He shrugs. “If Aggy hadn’t been a girl I don’t think it would’ve mattered to me.”

Wish I’d known that in 5th year. 

“You seem like you know more about this stuff than me. Does this make me gay or something?”  
“Hm. Only vaguely. You sound like you’re bi to me. I can’t really tell you though.”

“Bi?”  _ Aleister Crowley _ . Simon doesn’t even know what bi means.

“Bi as in bisexual. As in you like more than one gender. Simon, have you ever even heard the term  _ LGBT _ before?”

“I’m not stupid,” he grumbles. “Penny likes to talk about equality. I just don’t know what the individual words really mean. Not like anyone ever stopped to tell me, and I don’t exactly have internet access at Watford or over the summer.”

“Well, I can’t tell you who you are. But if you genuinely liked Agatha and you like me then you’re probably bisexual”

“And that's… okay?”  
I gape at him. “Of course Snow. I’m not a bigot. If you can handle me not being a boy I think I can handle you liking more than one gender.”

“You called me Simon before.” He grins up at me, before adding “But thank you. That helps.”

  
  
  


**SIMON**

_ Bisexual.  _ It feels right, I think. I try the label on again after Baz falls asleep. I don’t want to wake them– it’s been a long night for both of us. But I can’t sleep now. It feels like Baz has tied up all the confusing feelings I had about them throughout our years at Watford, and tied them up into a box with the word  _ bisexual  _ on it. I wonder if this is how they felt when they realized they weren’t a guy (from what they told me, they always knew they were gay. I just solidified it in 5th year.) I separate myself from Baz where we’re lying on their bed and walk over to the grand mirror in the corner. I look at myself.

“I’m bisexual,” I say to myself in a mirror. When it feels like  _ me _ , I let out a happy sigh. I never thought Baz would’ve been the person to bring any sort of clarity into my life, but when I look at them sleeping, I feel calm.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N I understand the way I had Simon describe his attraction could also be read as him being pan– however, i believe he’s bi in canon and that's just the way he feels. bi and pan just have many overlaps.


End file.
